Thursday, September 8, 2011

Change vs. Insanity

Christmas 2009 - 5'8" - 230 lbs, my heaviest weight

Insanity is trying the same thing over and over again getting the same results but expecting change.
Change is leaving behind what you've always done, leaving your comfort zone, and creating new habits.

I weight 214 lbs.  I am 5'8" and I have "large bones" meaning that I am a big, tall girl.

My boyfriend says I am beautiful.  He touches me lovingly.  He never says anything critical or judgmental.  But he is very trim & fit & healthy.  I shudder when I picture us sleeping next to each other.  (My boyfriend weights 160ish and is 6' tall)

I am petrified to actually TRY to lose weight.  I am literally sitting here on my bed, typing these words with tears in my eyes.

But after reading some inspiration blogs and after constantly wishing I would somehow magically lose weight while still wolfing down entire packages of peanut butter fudge, I have made myself face the cold hard truth.  I am not going to lose weight or be healthy when I am eating the same way and NOT exercising, the same way.

I despise my body.  I pretend to love it.  And I don't.

I have always believed I couldn't lose weight.  I put myself down constantly, and that must stop.

I CAN do anything I put my mind to.  And just for kicks, even tho I'm not a practicing Christian, I can do anything with the strength Christ gives me.

I'm going upstairs to take some full-body shots, then I'm going to work out.  I am going to do something active for at least 30 minutes, and hopefully 45 or more.

Afterwards, I will probably be extremely stressed & discouraged & tempted to get up in the morning & eat Reese's puffs for breakfast.  But I am going to make a good effort.  NO!  I am going to BE healthy and make HEALTHY choices for my poor sick, weary body that needs my help.

Please please wish me luck.  Here's to a terrifying new adventure.

No comments:

Post a Comment